“You’re gonna have to run this by me again,” he said, shaking his head at the screen of his laptop. “Cause I’m pretty sure I called you for an apartment, not a matchmaking service.”
“We are not a matchmaking service,” the woman in the red blouse said firmly, almost as if he wasn’t the first to make that remark. She rather reminded him of one of the managers at work. “We select tenants for very specific homeowners.”
“Okay,” he frowned. “So now you sound like an escort service.”
“No,” she insisted. “No, I told you. You would be renting a room in a house. That’s what this interview is for, nothing more.”
Sure, just like the advertisement had said. And yet— “So why do you need to know about my personality and hobbies?”
The lady was beginning to look rather frazzled. “Because it is very important to my client – the homeowner – that his tenants are a good fit,” she answered. “He lives in the house too after all, and he prefers to keep turnover as low as possible.”
“Turnover?” he baulked.
“Oh you know what I mean,” she said hastily. “People leaving. It upsets him.”
He was trying not to stare, he really was, but he didn’t manage very well. “Right,” he said, as airily as he could. “You’ve moved from escort service to potential serial killer.”
“Really, sir!” she protested, but by now he was honestly ready to laugh.
“I’m sorry, but what else do you call a landlord that has his tenants screened so they will not leave.”
The woman’s shoulders sagged. “That is not at all what I’m doing! And my client is renting out rooms in his own house, he isn’t doing this to make money, just to break even.”
Yeah he had heard that before. But it was a nice house. “So he’s looking for housemates, then, not tenants.”
She brightened up considerably. “Yes!”
He pressed his fingertips together. “And your ‘client’ has a creepy service to find him these roommates that may not leave because…?”
“Oh alright. Fine. Because he’s a dragon.”
Whatever this woman’s problem was she had a weird way of deflecting reasonable questions. “Because he’s a dragon,” he echoed.
“Yes,” she sighed. “I usually don’t lead with that, for obvious reasons, but that is essentially why, yes. It’s all very proper and traditional, of course, speaking from a culturally dragonish point of view. But it makes most humans uncomfortable until they fully understand the situation. I assure you all our clients have excellent character references. And we pledge to find a viable alternative for any tenant who wishes to move out within the six-month trial period if our dragon-human mediation does not work out.”
“Wait, you’re serious?” He was pretty sure his brain stopped working at the words ‘culturally dragonish’ but whatever else she had just rattled off, it was definitely not a joke.
The woman blinked. “Why yes, we take our responsibility as intermediators very seriously.”
“No, no, hold up. You’re actually working for a dragon?” Certain parts of their earlier conversation were slowly starting to slot into place. Stuff about a cosy household, landlord-to-tenant responsibility and a mutually supportive living environment. All very proper and traditional… He met her eyes with his mouth unapologetically agape. “You’re working for a dragon that hoards housemates??”
She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “We prefer not to call it that.”
“But that’s what it is, really.”
The woman’s mouth pulled slightly. “…yes.”
He took a moment to let it sink in. A long, glorious moment. And then he sat back upright in his chair, leaning towards his laptop with entirely renewed interest.
“Alright, so first off, just for the record: you totally are running a matchmaking service. Second—” He added quickly before she could start up another protest. “I will answer whatever questions you need to ask to match me to this dragon household-hoard.”
“Wh- You will?” she said in surprise.
“Whatever you need,” he vowed. “And uh, word of advice, next time, definitely lead with the dragon thing.”
As a millennial who has had to move house between every six months to two years since I moved out of home, because I’ll never be able to afford my own house and renters have 0 rights:
Holy crap, a dragon that hoards housemates?? How do I move in immediately
(via lurkerviolin)